outcast

I guess more than anything i just feel like an outcast here
we've grown up, we've changed
and the miles that seperate us blinded me from that..

being back isn't really a vacation
home is my vacation from here honestly..

we're not little kids anymore
we don't play with cars
and explore the backyard like we did.

i'm just the one that doesn't fit in
i'm just the one that is different.

so much has changed,
i just wish we were all close like we used to be.

no other

i can't entertain these ideas that dwell in my mind

you change back and forth

you constantly run in circles

no end to this cycle

i do not know what is in my heart

i do not know what is in my mind

pieces trying to be put together
but it is not my job to finish this puzzle

i am only a puppet

used by strings

but i've been getting ideas on my own.

this is not my desire..
my desire is Yours.

who am i to guess?
who am i to assume?
all i can do is wait for You.
all i want to do is wait for You.

Dallas

Dallas, you sound so sweet to me
your voice whispers in my ear

how i miss your ground.

oh how i miss my sisters
oh how i miss my family

I wish i were more like you, my sister
so uplifting, so encouraging
so beautiful.

my sister, you are beautiful from the inside out.

I miss you.

oh dear my fear

My biggest fear was losing you

NOW

its the thought of letting someone else in.

people see the flowers,
they rarely see my thorns.
but you saw all.
you got pricked by me.
but you still loved me.
when i was out of bloom,
when i was just an ugly weed..
you still loved me.

all my flaws, you looked past them.
all my bad days, you embraced me in.

You loved me in a way that a true love would.
to find someone else like that, I don't think i could.

I'm too scared to open up, i fear its eating at me.
my holes are bigger than meets the eye.
A book with a neat cover,
with torn up insides.

the beauty i do not see.
I don't see whatever it is you saw in me..

instead i sit in silence,
scared to break out in violence.
Scared to express this beating in my chest.
they only see me at my best.

My legs folded, with my arms crossed.
I sit so neatly, but I feel so lost.

I can't express to you this side of me,
because my mind is saying, only he could have loved all of me..

it is your bithday.

Last year i was hanging up balloons
hiding at the bottom of your stairs
waiting to yell surprise.

This year i'll be spending my evening by the grave.

this isn't what i had in mind.

theres nothing to celebrate today.

I still can't believe your gone.
It hasn't hit me in weeks.

I miss the tears.
I miss depression.

I miss you.

I lost my love, I lost my best friend,

I lost my plan for the future.

It felt like i lost everything.

Its been 5 months..
I hate 2010.

Your pictures are still in my room

but they don't keep me company.

Today

I just want to pack my bags
and leave town.

it sounds so appealing;
to leave this town behind.

but you can't leave emotions
they follow you over every state border.

"one foot in and one foot back

but it don't pay to live like that"

-avett bros

SPEAK

a confused young girl sits upon your steps
no clue of where to go

no voice she hears can tell

she does not seek, she does not find.



how can it be he was here the whole time?
yes, he was standing in the shadows.

make yourself known.
shout out.

scream to me.

like a child stepping in ants
I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM!

legs are dragging.

being pulled behind.


SHINE SOME LIGHT!


where is this that you have brought me?
or that i have brought myself?

I'm tired of living in the ally.
I want to be somewhere else.

I desire your voice, so feed me.
let me drink of you.

I wander about in mystery.
I just need you to tell me..

more than this

I'm tired of hibernating.

bring me to the sun.
to feel its warmth upon my skin.

the delight i see.
the taste on my lips.
the smell.

stretch me out.
wear me thin.
smash your words within.

twist.
tear.
break.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

I WANT TO FEEL YOU.

hit me like a train.
punch me in the face.

I'm standing up
i'm not sitting down.

I'm moving.
not waiting.

do not spit me out.
but draw me closer.