waking up to reality

You say be thankful but its hard to be
I'm not satisfied of only dreaming of him
I'm not satisfied of seeing him when i sleep but not when i'm awake..
He is alive when i'm asleep but dead when my eyes open.
You say its a blessing,

but it feels like a trick..

Now you see it, now you don't.

I look up at you, then i wake up
and your no where to be found.

I get frustrated when i dream of you
but

i would rather stay asleep.