friend of a friend

thats not what you were to me..

but i'm realizing you weren't that to pretty much anyone.

"he was everyones best friend, he favored no one"

when a friend said that me tonight,

it really sank in.

deep.

you befriended everyone.

anyone.

you were the link..

well to me you were.

you linked so many friendships together.

we would hang out just because you were there.

because you planned it, because you brought everyone together.

what kind of a friend am i?

nothing like you were.

you were a friend to anyone. everyone.

you were faithful, true, reliable, trustworthy.

You let everyone have your best.

No one on this planet has taught me more than you.

you still teach me.

how to love.

how to be a friend.

how to be a servant.

how to have a servants heart.

through your life, you taught me how to live.

how to see clearly.

But I would be lying if i said i wouldn't give anything to be next to you again.

This year hasn't been an easy one.

But what is to expect?

I miss you.

I miss the North Carolina days.

I miss simplicity.

I miss your smell.

I miss the way you laugh.

I miss your humor, that no one has.

I miss you smiling.

I miss your touch.

I miss all of you.

I love you.

Dear Franklin,

I miss you love.

I miss sitting onyour couch and just watching movies.
I miss your laugh.
I miss riding passenger side in the neon.

I miss the simple days we shared.


I love you, I do.

your face, your laugh, you

It just so happens to be Valentines Day.

I wish I would have visited your grave today.

Although, I'm only talking to the ground

I just feel closer to you.

I miss being close to you.

I miss seeing your face,

not in pictures but in 3d

right in front of me.

While there is no longer a gaping hole in my chest

I still miss you love.

Your laugh I no longer hear,

though, I crave its sound.

o my soul!

If I'm honest with you,
if I'm honest with myself..
I've been hanging on to the past.
Letting go of it more everyday.
But i drug my past around.
like center blocks tied to my feet.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting you..
It just means I'm free again!

Praise the Lord, o my soul.

theres no excuses to make for myself.
no, this isn't what i wanted..
no its not what i expected.

But you have found rest,
even as you lie in death

-Isaiah 57:1-2

The Righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart,

the devout are taken away

and no one understands that the righteous

are taken away to be spared from evil.

Those who walk uprightly enter into peace

they find peace as they lie in death.

This is a verse I clinged to when he died..

and today Elysia reminded me of it.

As the verse rolled off her lips,

they brought me comfort.

Sometimes I get selfish,

but you have peace..

You were taken away,

but your where you have longed to be!

PRAISE THE LORD!

my love, you are happy!

now its my time to find rest in the Lord too, even down here ;)

I miss you Christopher.

4-6 months

If I could have pried the cigarettes out of your fingers
I would have.

If I could take your sickness out of your body
and put it into mine
I would.

I'm ready to go,
I have been since he went.


this year has changed my life.
and i don't like it.

take me back to summers ago,
when things were simple.


Now we sit and we wait.
we watch you suffer.
we watch each other cry,
knowing the day will soon be here..

I wish I could take your sickness away Mammaw..

o but I am blessed

the snow just reminds me of you;
how everytime it snowed we tried to get together
that never happened ha.

Its hard to lose what seems like everything..
but o how I am blessed..


blessed with these feet
blessed with these hands
to serve my Lord, my King..


as i sacrifice food
i ask for enlightment
i ask for direction
i ask for hope.

I do believe that God is FAITHFUL.
He sustains.
He provides.
He conquers.
He loves.

My King, I owe you everything..

The flowers sing your praises.
The Earth shouts your glory.
and though my voice is small,
I chime in.
My voice will sing your praises forever.

For You are my love.
I am but a vessel.

2010 bites

We just got the call..
my mammaw may have cancer.
I answer the phone to my aunt crying..

Was it the cigarettes,
that no one could pry from your fingers?


Its sad.
but the truth is, I can't even cry.
I don't really know how to be sad
about anything other than Chris anymore.

My heart is hardened to feel that emotion.
melt my heart..


2010 bites.